Last night was the Alcoholic Olympiad. Hosted by Chris McMahon the Olympiad consisted of 4 different events:
Cornhole, Flip Cup, Beer Pong and Dice Football. Now I'm sure all of you know how to play the first 3 of these, and that none of you know how to play the 4
th. That's because Dice Football is made up and is a pretty awful drinking game. This game is played with 4 people in teams of 2. You sit on opposite ends of a table and throw dice into a marked end zone. A small piece of tape is placed in the middle of the end zone and if your die lands on it you score ten points, otherwise you score whatever the die says. The problem with this game is that we played on a table with groove lines on it. You know what happens when you try to roll a die on a grooved table? It goes wherever it wants and almost completely eliminates all skill from the game.
There were a total of 20 teams
representing 21 countries: Australia, Chile, Cuba, Italy (Angie and me), Greece, Mexico, United States, Canada, Brazil, Ireland, Wales, England, Jamaica, South Africa, China, Russia, Switzerland, Germany and Zimbabwe with Japan and Togo combining to form one team. Costumes were worn by almost every team, Chile being the only team not in
costume, ranging from terrible (Greece coming in golf attire and as a slut/Aphrodite, although I don't know if that really was a costume or not and Brazil just wearing a shirt that says
Brasil, Togo coming in a toga, South Africa carrying around a stuffed monkey) to awesome (Germany in full
lederhosen, Italy in togas, Jamaica in
Rasta gear complete with joints). After the opening ceremonies consisting of drinking and meeting the other teams the games were on.
Up first for team Italy was
cornhole against host Switzerland. It was an epic showdown between two European powerhouses. Switzerland took an early lead 4-0 by holing one and placing 2, while Italy could only place one. Then
Switzerland's score kept getting bigger and bigger, while Italy shit the bed. We lost 21-0. Twenty one to zero. That's all I have to say about the
cornhole even because we were terrible.
Next we were to play flip cup against the Irish. They talked a mighty game beforehand, even if I couldn't understand anything through their thick (fake) accents. We played two cups to a person, alternating turns. We decided that I would go first for our team. The starter cup was dropped and I quickly down my beer and flip, landing it on the second try. Angie then picks up her beer to drink, and 10 seconds later she's still drinking. I think she literally filled it up half way. Despite this she quickly flips hers and lands it, and I follow with a one timer. At this point we are ahead 3-2 and Angie goes for her second turn. Once again her beer must have been filled up halfway, because despite a good 4 second head start on the final cup, she was still drinking when the Irish had drank and flipped their final cup. Now this tournament was best 2 out of 3 so we still had time to come back. But, alas, we could not recover from our defeat and were beaten 4-2 in game #2. In case you were keeping score at home, this brings Italy to 0-2 for the day. It is at this point that I start drinking side beers more furiously because I don't think I'll be doing much drinking during the games.
Our third event of the day was dice football against the Jamaicans. We both start off pretty slow while gauging how hard to toss the dice. Eventually, I land the first score with a 6. Much celebration is had because we are winning something for the first time. I quickly follow with a 5 to bring it to 11-0. This game is first to 50 so we're not quite sure if we'll ever get there because of the low percentage of successful throws. However, Jamaica responds with a 10 pointer. 11-10. This was Jamaica's only real threat of the day, due to their massive
doobie smoking I don't think they could see straight. Eventually as Italy found their stroke, the game was won 53-36. Much more celebration was had by Italy because we had advanced past the first round.
Finally, it was the start of beer pong for us against Australia. Details of this first game are a little fuzzy because it was very uneventful and much beer had been consumed at this time. We did win though to advance to the second round. The same can be said for our second round match against Ireland. Nothing too exciting but the result was a win putting us in the
quarterfinals.
We moved on to the second round of dice football against Greece. This was closely contested game with the lead changing hands numerous times throughout the game. Because the previous games were taking such a long time this round was only played to 30 points. We found ourselves down 22-16 when Angie rolled a 3 and I rolled a 5, giving us a 24-22 lead and in good position to win the game. However, on the very next turn Greece rolled a 4 and landed one on the 10 point strip to seal the deal for them. I think the deciding factor in this game was that there was a baby (he's just a
baaaaby) sitting right by us, and Angie went into mother mode and was distracted throughout. So Italy was eliminated from 3 of the contests.
It was after this that Greece an Italy both went out to refill their beers. Aphrodite then asked me a common question: "Aren't togas Greek?" To this I had to reply that while maybe it may be more associated with the Greeks because of the association with college
fraternities, togas actually are a garb first worn by the Holy Roman Empire. It is a common
misconception and I was asked that question more than once this night, so I did not think too much of it. But then showing that she is indeed no Athena, she asked me what the Roman Empire had to do with Italy. Roman. Italy. Roman. Italy. It was at this point I dismissed her as just another dumb slut, and correctly so.
The
quarterfinals of beer pong for us was against China. From this point on in the tournament the games became more exciting and thus my memory of them is more complete. More beer = better memory. Imagine that. We started off pretty well, hitting one on our first turn while China missed. A miss by us gave China a chance to tie it up and on their next turn they made a cup. The only problem was that the guy made it in his own cup. As part of their costumes they
were both wearing coolie hats, and this guy apparently did not take into account how big his was as his ball hit his hat and fell into his own cup. We follow up by hitting one cup as does China. We re-rack to a small
triangle but fail to hit anything. China doubles up on us, but the rules stated that there were no bring backs if you hit both balls. Yeah, I know, I've never played that way either. Anyways 3-3 now and we hit one and they hit one. 2-2. Our next turn Angie and I both make our cups. We believe it's game over, as it usually would be in this situation. But China demanded a
rebuttal. Now because I was drinking and I felt like I was being wronged, my
ubercompetitiveness came out and I started arguing that the rules stated that there is only a
rebuttal when the cups are down to 1-1, and the losing team has to make 2 out of 3 to
successfully rebut.
Javi came over and argued that they should get a chance, and then I was being told by Angie to give them a chance. So I let them have their chance, even though earlier when Ray's team had their last two cups hit on the same turn the other team
automatically won. Anyways, this whole situation would not have mattered except for the fact that China hit both fucking cups on their
rebuttal.
Damnit. So we go into one cup sudden death. We're up first and Angie misses but I make mine. Damn I'm clutch. My inner monologue is going "Miss. Miss. Miss." And China does miss both their shots. It's on to the semifinals for Italy. Afterwards
Javi comes back up to me and told me that I just needed to shot them up with my play. And I did.
I'm seriously pumped at this time at how great I am at beer pong, even though before Friday I hadn't played in a very long time. Our semifinal match was against Greece. Not only do I want to beat them as revenge for our dice football loss, but I absolutely do not want to lose to someone as dumb as miss Aphrodite. This game was played after the sun had gone down, and some flood lights were brought out for
illumination. I won't bore you with the beginning stages of this game, because the ending is where the good stuff is at. We see ourselves arrive at one cup remaining for each team. I'm getting
progressively more drunk because Angie is filling up these cups way more than they needed to be, and
progressively more upset that I keep missing. Eventually Greece makes their final cup and I think we're done for. Angie takes her
rebuttal shot and misses. I take a deep breath, steady myself and shoot. SCORE! A successful shot. I'm thinking to myself that I still have to make one more because that's what the rules say, but Greece agrees to just play by regular rules and continue the game. Both teams are
unsuccessful on their next turn, but Greece does once again make it on the following turn. Once again, fuck my life. Angie misses her shot and I follow my routine of deep breath and focus and shoot. SPLASH! Another successful
rebuttal. I take a 2 second personal celebration and then come back to the game. Greece misses again. I make my shot the next turn. I'm very excited at the prospect of winning. Greece misses both their shots and Angie and I are in the finals. Angie may not be the best shooter, but she is a very good coach. At different points in the game Angie would switch up the order so that I would shoot first. I would say about 75% percent of the times that she did that I made my shot. Way to go Angie. After the game Angie and I are talking with Aphrodite over some side beers and she asks me how I made both my
rebuttal shots. I tell her that it was luck and that I closed my eyes. She then asks me if I was for real. Now I know there are gullible people in the world, but anyone who believes that doesn't deserve to be at the same table I am.
Almost immediately after this we get to the gold medal game against Brazil. Let me take you back to the opening ceremonies when we met the Brazil teams and one of them says that he is a
semiprofessional beer pong player. Dear Brazil, please stop making up things when hitting on my partner. You aren't
professional squash players or
Denmarkian princes. The only thing we have heard about Brazil and their real prowess is that they made 75% of their shots against Japan/Togo. I am not afraid. We trade cups until we have 2 left and they have 3 left. Angie steps up and nails her shot. That's my girl. I take my toss and sink it. No
rebuttal from Brazil.
Championship Italy!
Considering we didn't make it past the second round in 3 of the 4 games, I am satisfied with just the one gold medal.
The games were over and Angie was MIA. I think they took a lot longer than anybody thought they would because there was no medal ceremony afterward. Or if there was I was already gone by the time they happened. Rosie had called and asked me if I wanted to go to Animations. She sealed the deal by telling me that Julianne was there. So she comes and picks me up and we're on our way. Mind you I am going into a local bar still wearing my toga, but I had had enough to drink that I didn't care. I get in and the first person I see is Amanda Robinson. Let me tell you about the last person you expect to see: someone you hooked up with who has moved to Baltimore but was in town for a wedding. I also met her boyfriend who you will hear plenty about in my next post. Also there is Erin, Jody, Acacia, and Sam. I make the rounds and constantly tell people that I am wearing a toga. I must have been really annoying, but people loved it. Then some lady who must have been in her 40s comes up to me and asks me if I was serious. Of course I'm fucking serious lady. I'm sorry that you are too old to be ridiculous and have fun. Don't come raining on my parade. I spot Erin leaving to walk home and I run after her to
wal
k her home. Huge mistake. Erin had made sure to take her surly pills that night and was not being very pleasant. She was telling me that I didn't need to patronize her with by walking her home and she kept saying "OK I'm at my apartment, you can go". People who were not happy that night: Nick. So I walk back to the bar alone and instantly get my spirits lifted by all the random people shouting "Toga! Toga! Toga!" I am awesome. I get back to Animations where some guy tells me that I must have big stones to go out to a bar in my toga. He's not lying. I sit outside and get Rosie's attention to take me home. She drives me home and I pass out still in my toga. All in all it was a great night and I hope to do it again soon.
could do that song and make it great. It's a great song no matter who sings it. What do people remember her the most for? How about her SNL tirade against the pope where she ripped up a picture of him on live TV. When your country is 88% Roman Catholic and your most famous export goes on one of the most popular shows on the planet and debases your people's icon, you know your country is fucked.
could do that song and make it great. It's a great song no matter who sings it. What do people remember her the most for? How about her SNL tirade against the pope where she ripped up a picture of him on live TV. When your country is 88% Roman Catholic and your most famous export goes on one of the most popular shows on the planet and debases your people's icon, you know your country is fucked.
